


Just to know that you'll be happy

by Nerd_alert19



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-08-05
Packaged: 2020-07-31 16:41:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20118253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nerd_alert19/pseuds/Nerd_alert19
Summary: His thoughts as he watches her marry someone else.Just something that went through my mind as I thought about the earlier days of Coulson and May's bond when the angst and pain of season 6 did not yet exist.





	Just to know that you'll be happy

You look beautiful. Stunning is more like it. It’s not even the red dress or the way your hair is swept up elegantly off your neck that makes you so radiant. It’s the happiness that just seems to be pouring out of you from every possible point. You’re in love and it’s both painful to watch and captivating all at once. I loved you once. I love you still, but you could never love me back…not like this. In all the years we spent together, you never once looked at me the way you look at him. I was a fool to think there was a chance you could.

He’s beside himself with happiness, and I cannot think of anyone more deserving of you. He’ll take care of you, protect you, love you in all the ways I wanted to, but he’ll be better at it; because as much as it pains me to admit it, he’s good for you. He’ll make you happy. I wanted so badly to be the one to make you happy. I had my chance, and now you’re marrying him.

I almost didn’t come. It’s too hard to watch you marry someone who isn’t me. I shouldn’t have come, because this is even more painful than I knew it would be. I just couldn’t miss it. I couldn’t not be here for you after all of our history. Besides, I could never say no to Melinda May.

His smile when you walk down the aisle towards him is blinding. I’ve never seen someone so happy and in love, and I’m suddenly finding myself happy for you. I’m happy that you found someone who loves you like that. It looks like he found that too. In all the time I’ve known you, I’ve never seen you smile this much. I’ve never seen you so happy.

I couldn’t make you this happy.

It’s a harsh realization, and part of me wishes that I could have realized that before I was already too in love with you and hoping for a life with you. We could have gone our separate ways before we had bound ourselves together. The other part of me is just grateful for the time we had together. It’s an odd mix of feelings, but I want to just be happy for you.

Seeing you this happy is the only thing that makes me bite my tongue when the minister asks for objections. I thought about it, but it wouldn’t have mattered. I probably would have just been escorted out. There was no way any one would have actually let me keep you from being together. I’m not willing to risk my place in your life anyway. I’ve accepted the role you’ve allowed me to have in your life as your friend, and that has to be enough. I’m honestly surprised that we even still have that given the circumstances, but I’m grateful.

He wrote his own vows, of course he did. I wouldn’t have expected anything less. His words are beautiful and romantic, and you’ve got tears in your eyes. So does he.

So do I.

It does surprise me that you wrote yours as well. You’ve always been a woman of few words, but the sonnet that flows from your lips as you tell him how much he means to you, how much you love him, and how you're so happy to spend the rest of your life with him is a knife through my heart. I’d like to think it’s more painful than a Chitauri scepter, but this is your wedding…not the time and place for such thoughts. It’s really not fair to compare physical to emotional pain, but the thought brought me at least a moment of distracted reprieve.

He slides the ring onto your finger as the final nail in my coffin rings out, and you can’t seem to tear your eyes away from the look of it on your finger. You look so happy to belong to him that my chest hurts. Then you slide the ring onto his finger, and he uses his other hand to brush a tear from your cheek.

I want to leave. I don’t.

You’ll soon be busy building your life with him, and my time with you will be different and limited. Professional. I need to move on with my life now. I came today to get closure. I haven’t told you yet, but this will be the last time I’ll see you for a while. It’s too hard to hang around and watch you with him. I'll recommend someone else to work with you. It’s for the best.

You’re so happy, and I want that for you. I want it for myself too, and I need to move on from you if I’m going to have it.

The minister says a prayer of blessing over you marriage and it’s all official now. There’s only one thing left to do. I’d rather not witness that part, but I can’t seem to tear my eyes away as the minister announces you man and wife. He gets to kiss the bride now.

I wish that I was him.

The family and friends gathered applaud, and I know they’re all so happy for you. I really wish I was too. You’re new name makes me ache to hear it, but your expression of pure joy is breathtaking as the minister announces it for the first time.

“Ladies and gentleman, I present to you: Mr. and Mrs. Phillip J. Coulson.”

**Author's Note:**

> Well this is obviously AU, but I needed to write something that ends better for them than the finale gave us.


End file.
